hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
