my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
