I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
