I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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