I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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