I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
