I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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