Heybabeimwearingurpanties
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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