Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
