just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
