honey bunches of taint.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
