drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
