ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
