I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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