The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
