I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
