dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
