I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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