Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
