I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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