I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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