There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
