Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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