wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
