How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
