you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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