I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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