We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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