Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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