Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
