my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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