is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My butt remains clenched, sir.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
