Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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