If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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