Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
