When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
