how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course