Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.