Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.

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  (512): he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success. http://tfl.nu/9rt5
  Replies (11) Good night (6854) Bad night (790)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...

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  (609): So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated... http://tfl.nu/17ul
  Replies (22) Good night (752) Bad night (5587)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.

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  (401): Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night. http://tfl.nu/eotk
  Replies (8) Good night (685) Bad night (3336)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...

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  (919): I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy... http://tfl.nu/yiqn
  Replies (38) Good night (5775) Bad night (2152)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber

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  (443): he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber http://tfl.nu/w4rq
  Replies (20) Good night (1789) Bad night (5023)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know

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  (216): Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know http://tfl.nu/zyp8
  Replies (25) Good night (1163) Bad night (5320)
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  (661): View more from California

  I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.

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  (661): I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere. http://tfl.nu/qnta
  Replies (12) Good night (2081) Bad night (620)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.

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  (413): I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS. http://tfl.nu/290q
  Replies (1) Good night (509) Bad night (903)
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  (914): View more from New York

  There is an alarming amount of urine in here.

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  (914): There is an alarming amount of urine in here. http://tfl.nu/rii0
  Replies (5) Good night (364) Bad night (818)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  "Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."

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  (920): "Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see." http://tfl.nu/5bgq
  Replies (2) Good night (634) Bad night (410)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?

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  (386): I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher? http://tfl.nu/eehc
  Replies (3) Good night (1117) Bad night (387)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.

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  (906): A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious. http://tfl.nu/r6bp
  Replies (4) Good night (1069) Bad night (371)
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  (805): View more from California

  GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!

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  (805): GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?! http://tfl.nu/avuc
  Replies (4) Good night (491) Bad night (358)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap

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  (615): Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap http://tfl.nu/hboz
  Replies (0) Good night (444) Bad night (257)
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  (619): View more from California

  She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.

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  (619): She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had. http://tfl.nu/ze7k
  Replies (1) Good night (425) Bad night (179)

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