Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
