Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.