I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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