I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
