The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
