if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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