Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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