After last night, I could never be a politician.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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