he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
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listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
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dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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