The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So. Much. Porn.
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