maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
