drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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