I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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