i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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