During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
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This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
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and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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