the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
