I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
