why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
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