From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize