What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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