Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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