She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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