...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
