I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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