Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
