I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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