Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
