I'm so fucking centered right now
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
