Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
