Is it normal to miss your booty call?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
