I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
