my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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