yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
