I'd wear matching sweaters with you
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
